I referred to The Code in a previous blog about CCB/CBBs and the fact that men don’t swoop in on the widower or the recently divorced woman like women will do with men who are left behind. Why is this do you ask? It is the guy code.
I first witnessed this in high school. My boyfriend in high school and I broke up and we had dated for the majority of our high school years leading to the end of our Junior year. He decided that we should date other people. which we all know works sooooo well. I took him seriously and went out with another guy on this “break” and then he was pissed. And on this date I actually just went with the brother of a mutual friend and we spent the evening lamenting the stupidity of both of respective long time boy/girl friends.
High school would be the first time I observed the CCB in action well before I had a name for it. (see other post on this topic). The first time my boyfriend and I broke up one of my supposedly good friends wasted no time in letting him know she was interested. We never were friends again and I learned something valuable. Girls just aren’t loyal. Guys have the “bros before ho’s” but girls no such loyalty. 9th grade was eye-opening in that way.
And in 9th grade as in 11th when history repeated itself and we broke up (first time was me, second time was him, the breaker upper doesn’t really matter) another friend decided she would go after him. And her tactic was the high school precursor to casseroles. It was something on the order of I am so sorry want to get a coke sometime? And I forgot that there is a lot of aligning with the guy no matter what was the situation, even if the guy in question was a terrible boyfriend (for the record this particular guy wasn’t a terrible boyfriend) . Even with my taking a high road and saying I didn’t want this to come between our friendship, it was clear that I was under the bus. And stupid me, I was shocked again!
In both cases and that of other friends too, the guys in my school were not going to go out with me, at least not anytime soon because my boyfriend was their friend, he was one of those guys and they just weren’t going to piss him off. Now it could be that I wasn’t that cute or that fun, but seriously, I was cute and I was fun. (what I wouldn’t do for those long coltish legs again). I wasn’t an eye batter or a silly girl letting them get away with crap but I was fun on dates. Besides this happened to other girls I knew too then and now. And a guy did actually spill this very thing to me by saying that he thought it would be fun to go out but he just couldn’t because they were teammates. Could have been an excuse and he really didn’t want to go out with me, BUT he said it out loud so you know there actually is one.
If you travel in some similar circles and have few degrees of separation this will occur. The guy code will kick in and they either have a mandatory time period before they get the all clear or they never do. Then they are just pissed off when you date guys from other schools. Or if you date someone not in that circle they just don’t get it. But the code is intact and it lives on and girls will still turn on their girlfriends when an available man is on the loose.