#lifesettomusic

#lifesettomusic #lifesoundtrack hashtags I have used with Instagram posts I have made occasionally. I can’t live without music. What I love in particular is how songs from my own library which is vast and varied, can surprise me. A song can mean something completely different than it did before.

For example. I am on a journey I didn’t plan. As many of us find ourselves whether it is welcomed, embraced or filled with dread. Life is what happens when making other plans right? Today in Austin Texas, which I consider my hometown even though wasn’t born here, I have made a stopover a retreat of sorts one for writing again. Back to blogging and working on a manuscript for a book to pitch in August.  I left my current residence two days ago for a two week road trip of work, volunteering and girls weekend. It just happened it was easier in many ways to stay gone.

One thing I let go of in the past three years was the constant background of some kind of music in my day. It was gradual. It had to do with other people around some of the time. I am in a relationship that is in transition, to put it as benignly as possible. He does enjoy music, plays instruments in fact and can often be found reading a book with music playing in the background and I appreciate this about him. (I think it is important to find the positives about someone even, um, in the state of transition. somehow it makes me feel less stupid I guess. Also I really don’t like feeling negative about someone I love and have for awhile).  Over time however I stopped singing loud in the house, dancing like no one was watching. Moving and grooving as I was known to do. Or just playing music in any and every room.  I hate that i allowed this to happen.  But while on this trip I am not going to allow it. No No No.

While making a sandwich (current favorite of organic PB granny smith apple slices on whole grain, ancient grain bread, yum!) in my room today I turned on an old standby I could always count on for good lyrics and nice instrumental.  Today I have now played on repeat countless times this song by Josh Radin, Back to Where I’m From. Here’s the lyrics speaking to me like an all knowing friend just when you need her.  Forgive me Josh if I didn’t get them all correct, trying to find online and match up to what I was hearing was a challenge!

You’re on the side of the road

you don’t know which way is down

Your head is spinning out of control 

since you left that little town

You told them all you’d be fine

You said just wait and see

You packed your bags as a little girl

And couldn’t wait to leave

But then you said

with a foot full of lead

Here I come

Here I come

Here I come

But then you got to the coast

and found your way to the hills

though stars born in your eyes died

Were they killed?

You got just what you asked for

The big house and the ring

Then you looked in the mirror 

And saw you didn’t have anything

And so you said

With a foot full of lead

Here I go 

Here I go

Here I go

And maybe it was something you always had

You look behind the man and find 

you need your home instead

So you say 

Here I come

Here I come

Back to where I’m from

Here I come

Here I come

Back to where I’m from

WOW. The words in this song are so powerful and just NAILED my life. I took off and headed for home this week. It’s not the permanent stay yet but it is where I will be headed soon to contemplate the next moves. However, Austin is home to me. I lived in Lubbock TX for 30 years, then Fort Worth, find spots but my Austin got under my skin when I was a kid. Just ask my BFF L, she will tell you I would talk of heading back south central to ATX for years.  My homing device takes me here.

As one of my brothers said the other day, “maybe all this is just the segue way back to Austin”.  Frankly I could have just packed up a truck and headed south instead of taking the long, and much more costly in every possible way imaginable, route via Fort Worth to get home. And I grew to love Fort Worth. It is a great city with things happening there that make it so fun and livable. Much like Austin about 15-20 years ago honestly. I will be sad to leave it.  Lubbock holds some of my most favorite people in its city limits. Along with my hairdresser, my dermatologist and gynecologist. I have not had to give them up since I work there a lot still

Lesson in there somewhere. Maybe 33 years was just too long a time from home.

Here I come, back to where I’m from.

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