i am rather disappointed in myself for not posting anything in so long. My road has been paved with good intentions but alas it is December 24th, Christmas comes in 52 minutes by my clock.
I need to let myself off the hook a little. I have moved out of a house and stored my possessions between two storerooms. One for furniture crated up in long term somewhere I am trusting in the Dallas- Fort Worth metropolitan area, and another with my belongings that include my personal Christmas stocking in a box in a the bottom of many likes. Kitchenware, lamps, framed art, my children’s toys, are locked away in a several stories high building. It makes me sad to think about so I don’t.
From that house I moved to another town, small town and in with my widowed 75 year old mother. A few days later I finalized a divorce after filing 9 months earlier, and the months were filled with maneuvers to protect me from someone else’s legal problems. There was a real good time in the form of a complete “come aparts” on Labor Day. Mini nervousness breakdown I had planned for the Saturday before so I could just get it over with. But said nervous breakdown decided to surprise me. Not a pretty crying jag. Screaming and lots of profanities. Sheesh.
Due to a change with my job, I no longer had accounts where I actually lived so my travel increased. Weekends and weekdays were nonstopc On a happier note I had a bonus daughter get married Thanksgiving weekend. I picked up my-rest-of-my-life Christmas gift to me in the form of a brand new 20ft Airstream. I may not have a home that’s all mine but I guess I have one anywhere I want to tow it right? Following Thanksgiving week I thought it would be “fun” to plan a surgery.
All that brings me to tonight. My college children are here at my mom’s. The three of them have gone to bed. It’s weird to not be with my now ex-husband. Even with uncertainty looming last year at this time, it was still nice to have a decorated house, three children around and someone to be with doing the prep and Christmas holidays. I am doing stockings stuffing soon. Alone. For the first time in several years. Odd.
In many ways I know I am so blessed. I am so fortunate. During this crazy year I had a fall back plan with a home to retreat to til I can come up with a more permanent residence. I am a plan ahead gal so this is taking a lot out of me to play wait and see to some extent. See what comes.
On this Christmas Eve and the it day tomorrow, I don’t need anything to unwrap. I wouldn’t know what to ask for if I were asked what I wanted. The surgery was planned to run into vacation days. That’s just sad that in order to actually stop and rest and scream “Jane! Stop this crazy thing!” (Please say you know this Jetsons reference) I had to have surgery. The rest has been good. But I had hoped to work in the book that is overdue completion. Not happened with a computer flu. A project on the list.
For this Christmas I am counting blessings versus counting my setbacks or “opportunities” as a friend calls problems. I count my lovely friends, my amazing children including the bonus girl and her now husband and his funny sweet family. I count my mother for her unending generosity and patience. I am not sure where I would be without her in my corner. She does this sweet thing, thoughtfully gets the coffee pot ready for me the night before. And she doesn’t drink coffee. My brothers and their families are blessings they don’t even realize they are to me.
I count that I am employed and I hope that soon I will have a territory and accounts that is based where I live and I can stop traveling. I count laughter as a blessing that is the best medicine and frankly a survival skill.
I count the blessing of my glamping camping sisters who have brought me joy, with a social, community, project and hobby in the experiences on the road. It has given me so much.
This holiday and it doesn’t seem like December 25th is already here again, led to a true holidaze. I don’t have any expectations for what 2016 will bring. I am going to enjoy being with my children, my mom, one of my brothers and his sons and any other family spending time. I know I have been through a lot in the past 12 months. I will be ok, better than ok. The holidaze I am experiencing is going to be one of happiness and light, enjoying the right now.
Happy Holidays to you and yours!