Be careful what you wish for. I am sure you have heard that cliché. And the one that clichés are such for a reason, that they are true.
I have lost track of how many times I have thought I wanted something or how I believed if this one door opened then I would be running through it because surely it is the right doorway. And then I go through it and I am looking back at the doorway thinking “um, should I have gone through Door 3 vs 6?” You get the picture I bet.
Recently I have been assigned a new geography for work. In an area I actually live which is different than what’s been happening the past 20 months. When you are suppose to be on the road five days a week, wanting something to give soon is an understatement. It is hard to have work life balance in that sorta sitch. There were several possibilities how this realignment in sales territories might go and after 17 years in pharma industry I have come to expect all options. And like the weather in Texas, wait a minute and it will change again.
I don’t mind change. But I mind wondering if I have made the right choices or taken steps that lead to changes. I can be present in the here and now and yet still wonder what the road not taken would look like.
My kids are more than use to this overthinking on my part. The upcoming job change led to this discussion that went something like this with my college age daughter.
Me: I know I am overthinking this so I am saying that upfront but do you think it’s a mistake for me to live and work in XYZ vs ABC when you and your brother will graduate and live who knows where in possibly less than 2 years? I am going to miss the customers in LMNOP I could still have living in ABC.
Daughter: (looking at me like I am crazy with a dead eye stare. Which I have seen before) Mom. Seriously.
I need a switch to turn off or an automatic door closing behind me that gives me that ability to maybe just glance back at the past but not lose the ability to look forward. Work in progress.
That and real way to not be making a post at after 130a in the morning. Those would be serious life enhancers for this overthinker.