I love that quote in the masthead of this blog. But it is vexing even to me who loves it so much.
The kids are asking me if ok to tell people their mom is a gypsy. I laugh and say yes because well, yea I guess I am. (Gonna hold off on tramp and thief for now)
My twins are rising seniors in college. I am divorced. I moved to my mom’s house couple years ago following said divorce and did so for a couple reasons, ONE my job changed and the sales territory I had didn’t include where I had lived for three years and I would be expected to travel basically 5 days a week.TWO I was finalizing the divorce and I had moved to that city because I was marrying a man who lived there, leaving a place I had lived for the better part of 30 years. In other words it wasn’t my town. And it hadn’t been my plan to be paying to live solo in a town I didn’t actually work. THREE my father died a few years earlier and my mom offered. FOUR my children would be an hour to hour and half away. Bonus was I grew up in that area and had friends and knew the city.
Now I have almost been at her house for two years. I didn’t expect that to happen. I kept having the traveling geopraphy up until two months ago. Still travel but in places that I can be home most nights.
But the question of “home” looms large.
My kids are great. They have conversations about me. My daughter related such to me this week, as she has before. She and her brother both want me to do what I want. They both say I have given them so much and supported them so well that do what I want. Live where I want, whatever it looks like. Great kids right?
I don’t know what the answer is though. I think sometimes I should want a house. A home base for us. They are clear that unless I really want a 3 bedroom house don’t be doing that for them. Literally a year from now they will both graduate and it could be jobs or more schooling who knows where. I don’t think I want to live alone I have come to realize.
Before we moved in 2012 I had a great house in the town of 30 years living. It had been the longest my kids lived in same house and me too for that matter and it have been updated and was exactly how I wanted it by then. It was a home in that real tangible sense. If I had still been living there when my kids went to college though it would have been lonely and I see that now. It also would never have been their home again. Home base sure but because I was there not because of the physical house. They wouldn’t have ever wanted to go back and settle in that town. And if I am honest I never was settled there. But I had a great house!
There’s the airstream option. My version of tiny house living is a 20′ shiny travel trailer and I did get a few weeks of downtown Austin living in it, being an hour closer to my new work accounts. I think there’s a strong possibility I can make that happen on a longer term basis too. I don’t mind living alone in that. It’s too small for cohabitation really.
Then there’s the guy. The guy I still love who lives in the city I left. The guy that I can’t shake and don’t want to because simply put, I don’t want to start over with someone else. Not now. He’s my favorite person to travel with and hang with and laugh like out loud because we find humor in similar places. I don’t know how it will go but he and his daughter are family. For my children too. So let’s add that into the mix shall we?
I like being able to spend time with my mom too who’s in her late 70s. Good health overall and would be the first to tell you she’s happy to have had the jumble of me and my kids around so much. My brothers and I are closer in proximity and connection too these days.
I need to keep the job I have for too many smart practical rational reasons to list here. I also like the job fine too and after almost 18 years that’s a good thing.
I am not good with uncertainty. I admit. I want some answers. There are plenty of people who would say and have said “you can do anything! This is your time!” Super! What do I do?!
I want to know what I am going to do with this one wild life. And where will I live to do it?
I do know this. Home is where you find your people. Or tribe.
Gypsies know this too.